It occurred to me the other day that my writing has actually gotten poorer working on The End of Bliss than it was on A Circle of Crimson Stone. I suffer from the "show don't tell" flaw to a greater degree than I did on that manuscript. What the hell is that about? When you write and read more, you're supposed to get better, not worse. I had gotten so bad, in fact, that I was tempted to restart my manuscript for Bliss. Extremely tempted, but that is a wholly separate trap. It's easy to never finish a manuscript, claiming you're revising and then you'll finish it when things are better. What actually happens is you just perpetually revise and never finish. So I compromised. I went off-script for the last chapter I wrote and revised heavily. Remember just a couple months ago when I said I would plow forward and write whatever was written to keep up the pace? Well, I didn't quite do that with this last chapter. There was just WAY too much telling and not enough showing. The revised chapter may still be crap, but in comparison to what it was, it's at least a start. We'll push on and once the book is done, we'll gut the entire thing and make it not suck. I am frustrated with how much better my writing was when I started Crimson Stone. I didn't have to think about it; I just did it. What the hell happened?


( The End of Bliss, Chapter ? )

I have a secondary character that the reader is supposed to love, only to find out how vile he and his people are (and later he dies, although how has changed many times since the original inception). Yesterday, driving from MA back to NH, I see him lying on a mat after having been whipped within an inch of his life. He's smiling. When asked why, he whispers "I can hear the wind in the leaves, Jocopo." The rest of the character's story then spilled out of my head like a high production value movie montage. From start to finish, I know everything this character will do until his death, and it all happened as soon as that line came to me. It was very thrilling. :)

Day one of Readercon is complete. It was a big difference from gaming conventions. Granted, a lot of the attendees are the same (or at least look the same), but the attitudes and priorities are very different. I thought the con would be made up of a lot of people like me (writers in the process of becoming professionals), but I was shocked by the frequency I heard people stating that they didn't read at all, but really loved reading. That's a genuine passion! I'm not sure if I would pay to attend a convention just because I like reading. But hey, more power to them!

Oh, one note carried over from my gaming con days, take a fucking bath before attending. What is it about loving books that attracts women who don't wash their hair? Nasty.

Most of the panels were very good. One was a complete crash and burn. Another was mediocre. And one could have been better if not for an author that couldn't stop talking about inserting naked women whenever he got stuck. It was crass and didn't have a lot to add to the discussion.

Which is ironic given that this same author gave me the nudge to admit something I've been struggling with over the past week. In this very journal I commented how I realized that The End of Bliss needed to come before A Circle of Crimson Stone. However, since I made that realization, I haven't been able to accomplish a whole lot. A large part of this is due to my creative exertion at work. I'm about to train an entire division of the company, taking me from San Diego to Amsterdam. But another part of it is that I finally saw "Circle" in a whole light, from start to finish. I know the book I'm going to write and my brain doesn't want to put that on a back burner for a novel that I know only a few chapters of, and haven't been able to write a proper beginning for (although my most recent version has promise).

James MacDonald mentioned during a panel about "Writing the Middle" that new authors most frequently quit in the middle of their books. They've moved past the euphoria of the beginning but the ending is still a long way off, and they're overcome by their own fears and inadequacies. They end up with a desk full of half-finished stories and never complete a novel. Look at the trap I was walking in to!

Now, I still contend that Bliss as a first novel only enhances Circle, but knowing that doesn't do a whole lot if I'm not able to write it.

So, I'm going to spend the next few weeks training people. Let the creative juices rejuvenate (hopefully my first trip to Europe will help that) and then set back to work on my previous novel. After that, maybe Bliss can be written.

Oh, and after many suggestions, I may try to turn Black Magic and Barbecue Sauce into a novel as well. I had tried once before and failed miserably. I just felt (feel?) that the story I told is the story worth telling, but a lot of other people seem to disagree. So maybe I can come up with 115,000 words or so. 14k down, 101k to go!

On my way home last night, I had a stunning revelation that throws all my current writing efforts out of whack. When I was reading George R.R. Martin's A Game of Thrones, I was incensed when one of the main characters died in a way that I thought was wholly unfitting for the importance of the character. A lot of people were dying (and a lot of people have died since), so I watch Martin's writing and my reactions closely, as I kill a lot of my characters too.

It turns out that I had misread the paragraph and the character didn't die until later (in a less lame fashion, but still kind of lame), but that feeling of disappointment lingered. On my way home, I realized that I was about to commit the same sin.

There's a character in A Circle of Crimson Stone that was meant to be killed by the main character. I scrapped that idea because she seemed to be killing all the other characters and it was straining believability. I still wanted him to die, though. I just couldn't find a way that worked. If I left him alive, I'd want to write a story for him. And there isn't a story for him. What I need to do is find a death that is deserving of a character I enjoy so much.

A Circle of Crimson Stone wasn't always the first book of the Third World. There was another book I had planned on starting called The End of Bliss that I decided furthered the story too much, so I dropped Circle in front of it. There is a scene where one of the main characters there is sent to kill what I had planned on being an Ender, but this character fits perfectly. Perfectly. It's a lame death. It's an easy death. It's the death of a character that no one will have any attachment to until after he's already dead. And I love it. The book also includes the razing of a village that happens in Circle, but will have more gravitas if first shown in Bliss.

What does all this mean? I need to write The End of Bliss first. This is good because I think it's more accessible to the average fantasy reader. There are cities and people with swords and armor rather than bone daggers and stone axes. But I had finally conceived of the entirety of A Circle of Crimson Stone and now I have to start all over with this new book.

Poop.

I have had a scene where Jhon Prester and Bear slaughter a tavern full of sinners, so hopefully that will get me rolling on the book as a whole. I also have the Mashashony's excursion into the woods that was a crappy short story I wrote. I need to find a new name for the character, but his circumstances are much clearer for me, so I'm sure I can fill in the holes.

I decided, after attending the yearly meeting for the Nashua Theatre Guild, that my next project would be "Protocol J-25." There are a number of reasons for this:

Many successful authors suggest that you endeavor to write short stories before writing a novel, to evolve your writing. Having experienced my own evolution with writing "Black Magic and Barbecue Sauce" (where I improved some writing habits and realized I had lost some other habits I used to great effect when I was younger), I decided I wanted to write more short stories before finishing A Circle of Crimson Stone

I have finally had a breakthrough on how I want to write "Protocol J-25." The story is ready to be written.

The story, however, does not lend itself to a short story format. There's too much dialogue and not enough description. It is, however, perfect for a play. Extremely perfect, in fact.

I want to participate in the guild and offer a regional play for competition.

I have a degree in playwrighting and haven't done a lot with it since I got it.

I have had vivid mental images of the main character (Dr. Albert Isaac King), his interaction with the DA (Gregory Schults), and his retelling of conversations Al had with a man he helped convict, (Clarence Tibbs).

So, taking into account all these factors, a play of "Protocol J-25" seems a foregone conclusion. ...which is why I haven't been able to think of anything but A Circle of Crimson Stone today. I made some significant changes to the beginning of the story and to the story itself. I had not evaluated what that meant for the rest of the book, but it certainly was a departure from what I had planned before. Yet this morning, I quickly and succinctly wrote down the main plot of the first 14 chapters (the book having about 18 chapters that average 9-10k words each). Where previously the book was rushed and horned into a one-novel architecture, I think using two books would be more appropriate. This means I don't have to turn blood vengeance into romance in 3 chapters.

I'm hoping that, if I dedicate myself to my novel (much like I had before), I'll eventually get distracted by the play and finish it first. Either way, I need to start on something. I've been pretty lazy since I finished BBQ.

Yesterday was a wash. I was exhausted. Getting up at 4 in the morning to take your significant other to the airport and then not falling asleep does that to me. I'm weird like that. So, roaming around in a haze meant I didn't get any of the writing done I had planned on and I've promised Michael that I would have the revised and finished version of my adventure by Friday. This means I have essentially tonight, tomorrow night, and Friday afternoon to square things away. I'm not exciting about reformatting those damn stat blocks or calculating treasure. The number crunching is my least favorite part about authoring.

There is a director of authoring position open for Kalamar and it was so tempting to apply for it. I know I'd get it. While it's meant to be an author coordinator/editor, they don't get that many adventures each year. I could write 8 of them without blinking and let other people write the other 4. :) Then I thought of all the ideas that have been pounding in my head lately and realized that's the last thing I want to do (even though I do enjoy the online adulations). Not to mention Kenzer doesn't pay their authors any more (which was actually something I told them to stop doing, but now realize how much that sucks balls if you're not a fan of anything they're doing any more).

What I want to work on is A Circle of Crimson Stone! I've changed the focus and narrowed the direction of the novel and words demand to be written. The main character that had become part of the ensemble is once again the main character, and the book is better for it. Now the reader will finally understand whose story they're reading.

BUT, I can't write that one. I need to finish "Black Magic and Barbecue Sauce." Now that I have my reprieve of word count, I'll be damned if I don't finish it. No excuses! Especially since I finally figured out the ending!

But even before I can work on that, I must finish my adventure. Jesus, there's just not enough time in the day for all the writing I want to do. GUH-ERRR!

Jen needs to triple her income so I can stay at home and write. ;) Get on that, woman!

First, there is a Romanian woman that works at my office (she used to be a translator for the UN, what the hell is she doing here), and she has the classic Romanian gypsy style of dress. Color me happy, I love it when beautiful women dress that way! It does make sitting in meetings more difficult, as you want to act professionally and give her the respect she deserves, but good lord! So hot! Well, she saw my short story sitting on my desk and asked if I write. It turns out she's a poet. She asked to read some of my work, so I sent her the prologue to my novel. I feel kind of bad because I did not ask to see a sample of her work in exchange. I know I felt very good that she asked to see some of my stuff, why wouldn't she feel the same if I had asked to see some of hers? It comes from an inability to be nice on a fake level. If her work isn't good, I would say that I don't like it, and while objective and/or professional people might accept my criticisms of why it didn't resonate with me, most people would just be hurt. Everyone wants to write something other people like, and it's hard to accept when you've failed at that (even professionals have to work hard to be professional in that regard). Over the years of working for Greyhawk and Kalamar and all the small side projects, I've been sent so much crappy writing that I just fear anyone showing me his or her work because I automatically expect it to suck. Because of this, I do not pursue reading new writers because then they'll want to know my opinion, and it won't be what they want, most likely. Still, I feel bad that I didn't ask to see some of her poetry.

Second, I sent her the prologue because the prologue kicks SO much ass. I joined a writer's group in Nashua that meets every other Saturday. I had tried to go when I first moved to town, and then they weren't appearing on the Borders schedule for awhile and I thought thy had disbanded. Well, I finally went this weekend. There a good bunch of folks, ranging in quality from poor to has potential, but they're good people that give and take criticism fairly and good-naturedly. I appreciated that. Still, not realizing that I was going to have to read something my first time there, I busted out the prologue which had gotten a couple layers of polish (it's version 1.3 rather than version 1.0) and proceeded to rock their socks. Now, I didn't join the group to show how awesome I am, but to receive honest and helpful criticism, which I didn't really get this weekend (although they did confirm that they didn't think M'buwe was gay, which I appreciated) so much as I got stunned faces and slack jaws. It felt good. With all the comparisons to Sammy Sosa's book as on par with the Lord of the Rings, it felt good to know that I've got the chops to drop the jaws. I'm looking forward to taking less polished stuff and receiving input on it.

Thirdly, I discovered the Future Writers of America (something that L Ron Hubbard set up and that Pat won, ironically, and led to his being signed) contest, which I'll be entering with my short story. This is awesome because the word limit is 17,000 words. I can finish the story in 17,000 words. This story that was languishing in the back of my mind is now reborn and being forged anew. If I were more cliche, I'd call it Narsil. :) Either way, I'm excited to be working on it again, and I look forward to finishing it. I'm not sure if it's the type of story to win this kind of contest, but it's a start. I think "Protocol J-25" is something that would work better. That thing needs to be fan-fucking-tastic, though, which is why I haven't worked on it. I know the potential is there for a real diamond. I just want to make sure I realize that potential rather than offering up a lump of coal.

Oh, things to do, things to do. The writing train is leaving the station. :)

HOT DAMN!

I'm starting work on Dyv7-04 Throw Open the Gates of Heaven tonight. The super secret project has been abandoned. It seems that the authors that supposedly weren't doing anything still insist they are doing something. As soon as I broached a topic close to the subject, they came running saying I was treading on their turf. Throw in a few other authors at the regional level who did the same, and it's more hassle than I want to deal with it. So, funk dat.

However, I had a revelation today. I have been struggling for some time with A Circle of Crimson Stone. What's the true story? Where's the arc? What's evolving? What's growing? It seemed to be just a tale of happening, one action scene laced to another. I need more depth than that, but how? The characters I had originally planned on focusing on weren't evolving nearly as well as other characters I had planned on killing off pretty early.

Then it hit me. I had made a mistake! There is no writer's block. There is only mistakes! I had misordered a chapter. Otep has a revelation and runs for home (although showing restraint, doubting her own premonition, not wanting to lose the goats she had just gone to so much trouble to retrieve). Next chapter the Mashae are raiding a Chean tribe. Chapter after that, she comes in mid-battle, linking the two in a mighty battle.

And it didn't work! I liked the convention within that microcosm, but for the total story and the development of the characters it was completely the wrong direction to go. She needs to give up the goats (which her people depend on to survive) so she can get home before the battle has occurred. Then the battle happens and she's there from the outset, kicking all kinds of ass and taking all kinds of names.

Also, she is now officially the main character. While other characters will still get their attention, M'Buwe, Jocopo, Nahuel, Otep is the main character. And her star-crossed relationship that I never thought was working right is now canceled. It was redundant crap that I hate seeing and from the outset said I hated doing. Both of them are dominant personalities and neither would allow themselves to become submissive to another. She needs a submissive person she can dominate. So following the whole "recuperation" scene, where you're expecting the same redundant crap, she puts a dagger in the chest of one of the other main characters and then claims one of his friends as her mate.

Hot damn! I can't wait to finish this adventure so I can dive back into this. Mistakes are fixed! We're back on track. Here I come!

(And once I'm finished, this thing gets gutted hard-core so I can get the vocabulary, imagery, and cadence to a higher level. I will be the best! ;)