I don't know if I'll post another excerpt after this one. This is the first seven chapters and a good start. I'm a bit wiped. I've written 14,000 words in just a few days. Every time I wondered if I should just slow down and read some more, I just kept cranking it out. The story was coming too easily to stop. Now, however, I'm going to go home and sleep. I was podcasting until 2:30 last night and I'm totally wiped. I'm shocked that I managed so a high word count for today at all. So, here are chapters 4-7. I hope you enjoy.

( Wanted: C.O. chapters 4-7 )

I moved away from posting excerpts on BLACK MAGIC... for a couple of reasons. First, the first drafts sucked. Second, I was writing at such a pace that I had too much content to post (and didn't want it all online anyway). I am very enthusiastic about the progress I've made with WANTED... so I decided to post the first three chapters. I try not to post repeatedly in the same day unless it's really worth it, but I have a feeling this will go over LJ's allowed character limit, so I may post each chapter individually. We'll see how it goes. I hope you enjoy.

( W:CO,NH Excerpt )

She gives him a "Who is that?" Quirked eyebrow. He gives her an "I have no idea" shrug. She gives him a "Look at what you've done to your shirt" frown. He gives her a a "Who cares? It's the playoffs!" smile.

So, now that I'm adept at using my audio equipment and getting to a point where my manuscript is almost complete (first draft that is), I've replaced the sample chapter on my website. I didn't realize it was still the prologue from Cause and Conviction. I thought it was the first chapter from Black Magic and Barbecue Sauce. So, I revised chapter 1 (this doesn't break the "no revision" rule because it was for a specific, finite project and didn't lead to any successive revision of later chapters) and then recorded an audio file. Sure an mp3 is as easy to copy and repost as printed text, but it's my voice and it's a lot harder to take credit for my words when I'm speaking them instead of you taking credit for writing them yourself. (That's a general you, and not directed at any of my wholly ethical readers.)

Once I'm done revising BM&BBQ, I'm going to revise Galileo Rocks the Baby (which has been in need of revision ever since I finished it, as I totally got off-point with all my Bush bashing--I now realize) and post the audio as well. I also need to write another short story so that my second short offering isn't the same as my novel offering.

So, on the website, I'll be offering audio samples instead of written samples of most of my work (exceptions are older stuff I don't want to record like Jigsaw, RPGA adventures, and Dyvers intercalary chapters).

So, if you want to hear Chapter 1 of Black Magic and Barbecue Sauce, there it is. I hope you enjoy.

I'm not too keen on renumbering my chapters now that Imsikwatash and Goyathlay have been cut from the book. I just lost at least 6 chapters and I'm going to add some to slow the pace a little. So this was chapter 32. Now I don't know where it is. I'll figure it out eventually and when I do, I'll let you know. :)

( Cause and Conviction, chapter ? )

It occurred to me the other day that my writing has actually gotten poorer working on The End of Bliss than it was on A Circle of Crimson Stone. I suffer from the "show don't tell" flaw to a greater degree than I did on that manuscript. What the hell is that about? When you write and read more, you're supposed to get better, not worse. I had gotten so bad, in fact, that I was tempted to restart my manuscript for Bliss. Extremely tempted, but that is a wholly separate trap. It's easy to never finish a manuscript, claiming you're revising and then you'll finish it when things are better. What actually happens is you just perpetually revise and never finish. So I compromised. I went off-script for the last chapter I wrote and revised heavily. Remember just a couple months ago when I said I would plow forward and write whatever was written to keep up the pace? Well, I didn't quite do that with this last chapter. There was just WAY too much telling and not enough showing. The revised chapter may still be crap, but in comparison to what it was, it's at least a start. We'll push on and once the book is done, we'll gut the entire thing and make it not suck. I am frustrated with how much better my writing was when I started Crimson Stone. I didn't have to think about it; I just did it. What the hell happened?


( The End of Bliss, Chapter ? )

Boy has it been difficult to start writing again. I tried Thursday with little success. What I wrote was pretty shitty. So I thought maybe I should go back and start revising some chapters until I felt like I was on a roll. But looking back at those chapters, they seemed shitty. Everything just felt bad, amateurish, as if I had never done this before (which technically speaking I haven't, if you want to get as specific as a novel, but writing stories is something I've been doing since first grade and I expect more of my first drafts). So I decided to go to a chapter that I was already have trouble with, one that I hadn't been able to finish before.

So I went to chapter 13, deleted about half of it, and then wrote another 1800 words. What you see here is the result of that effort. Still not amazing, but good enough that I can confidently move on to the next chapter.

( The End of Bliss, chapter 13 )

This chapter was a little rushed. I was trying to keep the word count in a similar range of my other chapters and maintain an adequate pacing, but it may grow during revision. In fact, they may all grow during revision. We'll see once we get there. I took a break from writing about Imsikwatash now that I've gotten his story caught up and about the same length as Bear's current storyline. I wrote instead about Rian Inkwright, a character that was originally only going to appear in one or two chapters who has now become an integral element of Jhon Prester's storyline. This is also the first of two times we meet Jhon in this novel, even though he is the main character of the trilogy. Originally, I wasn't going to have him speak at all in this chapter only exact punishment, but to do so would have made him too evil, I believe. So you get to hear him and see that he's not a sadistic zealot. Hopefully I can pull that off, otherwise I'll have a lot of work in the next two books to make him look like a good guy.

( The End of Bliss, Chapter 22 )

It's a common strategy among writers to place a synopsis of a chapter on an index card and then reorder them until they create the best order possible for the book. I tried doing this with a screenplay once, but I never finished, so all I had was a bunch of paper that constantly got in the way.

I have reached that point where I can't immediately state where the best location of a chapter should be, hence the question marks in my subject line. I have certainly changed the order of chapters. A lot. I've even had to renumber posts in this journal. The catch here is that I'm putting a number of character specific chapters in order for dramatic effect, but I'm ending up with long swaths of one character and then the next, which I don't want to do too much. We'll see where this one finally ends up.

( The End of Bliss, Chapter ??? )

So I realized how bad I am at taking a compliment if I'm not prepared for it. I love compliments. I really do. But I tend to show humility by being self-deprecating, which can be incredibly insulting to the person paying me the compliment. I received such a compliment this weekend about the chapter I posted recently. There was genuine admiration in his voice and I replied with essentially "It wasn't that good." Strangely, both chapters that have earned me the most praise are the two I always saw as the poorest. Perhaps I am losing sight of what makes a good story. I'll have to ponder this during my revisions.

So for any others who may have received an unsatisfactory reply to a compliment, I do appreciate it.

And now, here is some more work I did on my trip to St. Louis.

( The End of Bliss, Chapter 14 )

Now that I'm finished with my commitments to Living Greyhawk, I can work on my novel again. Rather than focusing more on Bear and Angelique, I thought I'd give Imsikwatash some attention. He has been much ignored.

One thing I discovered today, when you have a culture that worships the sun as a god and calls it "the Great Father" rather than "the sun," you have to wonder if their vocabulary would include words like sunlight, sunrise, or sundown. This poses some challenges. Something to ponder at least. In the mean time, here is Chapter 12. I've also written 780 words on Chapter 14 as well.

( The End of Bliss, Chapter 12 )

I was listening to Vanilla Ice of all people (the heavy metal album) when I remembered another song that had inspired me. There was a very specific kind of assassin drawn from a song by Otep (a band that has offered an incredible amount of inspiration for this setting, so much so that my original female main character was named Otep). The great and exciting thing about this remembrance was that it played perfectly with the minor character that had recently become a main character. He didn't need to be the cliche assassin you see in so many books and movies. Oh no, he'll be something more! And I can't wait to write it!

This has, in addition, made me think of where he will learn his secrets (the mountains of Uxai) and thus an appropriate prologue for the first book of the Third World. Something to explain to everyone just what's happening, although they'll hopefully have forgotten by the time the stories are finished. So, to that end, here is a new prologue. (If you're wondering, the name Pi Fu is an abbreviation of Pity the Fool, because I'm still loving Mr. T's Night Elf Mohawk commercial.)


( The End of Bliss, Prologue )

My writers group this week wasn't much of a writers group. I read chapter 2. We don't get together very often, especially not around the holidays since the others have family. There was a split I posted about previously. The "leader" of the group left and started a new group. He wanted people to tell him he was doing a good job, so the constant criticism (that's what the meetings are for after all) was more than he could take and he left. Thankfully the people with genuine talent stayed, so we have a core group of people who write. The problem is that we don't get together on a regular schedule. The newest writer of the group, after making her way through her deluge of ideas, has realized how difficult writing can be when it becomes a constant commitment. And the other person, who's had a few stories posted in various magazines, always has conflicts with his kids and their events. So this weekend was me and one person, with only me with new content and the other person having been up till almost dawn the night before. So, not a lot of feedback, but an adulation for chapter 2 and a comment that I detail too much. I want to compare this to the manner in which other authors world-build. World-building takes extra description, but it did make me realize that I did not need to describe the Lion in Rian's chapter. I'll have to cut that out. But still, am I skilled enough to connote the world these people are in with all it's many layers without directly describing it? I don't think I am.

Regardless, I plan on saving all that work until I'm done and starting on revision. Here is the new chapter 8, after this, we move on to 10 (another Rian chapter).

( The End of Bliss, Chapter 8 )

I seem to have caught gipsywriter's bug. I am coughing hard, my stomach feels like it wants to evacuate, I have a headache, and my brain feels like it's wrapped in a hot, mildewy towel. So, I'm phoning into my meetings today, lying on the couch watching Two Mules for Sister Sarah and recuperating. I don't know what effect this will have on writing night tonight. I made progress yesterday and hate to see that rhythm disrupted.

Speaking of progress, I give you the new chapter 6 (not that I gave you the old chapter six, but I decided it was silly to wrap up Imsikwatash's time in the Forevergreen in one chapter, so I've stretched it out). Here is Rian, the once token character that has grown into so much more. When deciding whether or not he would be killed, his true potential revealed itself to me and now he'll be featured repeatedly in this book as well as the next. I did not slow down to tweak this as I wrote, though, so it's very dialog heavy. People often tell me I have too much descriptive text. That's intentional, otherwise I'd just write nothing but dialog. I'm like Kevin Smith in that regard. Except I talk about more than just cock and weed (not that he doesn't do that incredibly well).

( The End of Bliss, Chapter 6 )

I've been ruminating on my writing lately. When I was younger, my writing was different. It was more primal, more emotional. It sucked you in and took you for a roller coaster. I was the best writer I knew and I did not have difficulty wrapping the reader around my little finger. The problem was, my ideas were juvenile crap. I was young and immature and I wrote about the cool things young adults write about thinking they're cool with ridiculous names that deserve to be mocked in Strong Bad emails. So now I'm more mature and my subject matter (and naming conventions, hopefully) show a more seasoned author. But at the same time, I feel like I've lost a lot of that punch that I used to control so well. It's hard for me to sink claws into the reader and drag them wherever I want them to go. The question is, though, was the bar just lower then or have I lost some of that punch as I've matured and mellowed? A little bit of both? Wanting to be the best author I can be (wanting to be the best author.), it's discouraging to think that I'm actually less talented than I was 10 years ago.

And with that thought, I present to you chapter 5 of The End of Bliss I've been writing, so I'll have chapter 6 tomorrow (to give you time to digest this one) and renumbering of the last two Bear chapters I posted, as a minor character has become a lesser major character. (Note: Breastplate is highlighted to remind myself to find a better word than breastplate.)


( The End of Bliss, Chapter 5 )

Edit: Don't  you hate it when you think you've created a really cool name only to realize you read it in your youth? I wonder if the Pinis will give me permission to use Forevergreen. :)

This won't actually be chapter 8. It will be somewhere in the range of chapter 9-11, but since I haven't written any of those, I'm just leaving the chapter name that is currently there.

Also, flotationman, the Amazon Kindle uses the ink-paper I was talking about in that thread about eBooks. I have a lot of opinions on the Kindle, but I'm going to save them for a moment. Instead you get this first draft of The End of Bliss. Originally, this was all going to be part of chapter 7, but I split it in two.


( The End of Bliss, Chapter 9 )

I know I skipped chapters 5 and 6, but they're not actually finished. Ideas for Bear's story keep flowing out, and I'm not going to ignore them just to remain in chronological order (especially since the order of the chapters most definitely will change). So here's chapter 7. I'll do the next two chapters of Bear's story as well before taking care of 5 or 6 (I'll at least do one more, which is almost finished, we'll see how the second one goes, as that's the scene with Bishop Aster).

( The End of Bliss, Chapter 7 )

This is my favorite chapter that I've written so far.

( The End of Bliss, Chapter 4 )

I had the prescient sense to move a copy of my manuscript off my jump drive and onto my work computer before heading to Philadelphia. Sure enough, I lost the jump drive. I've had the thing for five years. It only had 257 MB and that cost 40 bucks at the time! There have only ever been two instances where that wasn't enough space, but for $20, I got a 2GB replacement drive when I got home. Still sucks that I lost the original. We had a history together! And if I had lost the only version of my manuscript (I'm usually very good about making copies of the file), I don't think I could have duplicated them. There is just too much raw creativity there.

With that concept in mind, I may start posting draft chapters faster than I was before, Just so I can maintain a permanent record of the work I've completed to this point (even if I hadn't planned on posting revised chapters--such as chapter #1 that starts off immediately bogged down--until later, if at all).

( The End of Bliss, Chapter 3 )

Normally I post a draft as soon as I am finished with it. I do this for a number of reasons: I like to share my writing (even the first draft stuff), I hope to receive comments on things you as readers like or dislike, I hope that I or you might find mistakes (like I did in my last post), and as the excerpts continue to be posted, I feel like I am making progress.

With The End of Bliss, I am not rushing to post content. Writing is going well enough that I don't want to distract myself with previous chapters when I'm still so successfully writing new chapters. Chapters 1-5 are already finished (as well as the prologue). I have only posted the preface and chapter 1. Here is chapter 2. I will post chapter 3 eventually as well, but I will not do it tonight and probably won't do it tomorrow. Slow and steady wins the race.

The End of Bliss has two main characters Bear (the Aman'Brin) and Imsikwatash (the Mashashony). Each of these men has a companion for the course of this adventure (Angelique and Goyathlay, respectively). Imsikwatash, under a different name, was the main character of the first story I ever wrote for the Third World (back when I was calling it the Third Age and getting constant comparisons to Tolkien because of the name). That story will actually end up being chapter 6 or 7 of this book, although modified to match the evolution of the story. Ironically, I will be presenting Imiskwatash's sidekick first, as that character will be instrumental in the direction our hero goes. Strangely, this is the shortest chapter I've ever written. Chapters in A Circle of Crimson Stone are 8k-10k and I'm averaging 2k-3k in this story. Goyathlay's introduction is only 1600 words, which is very uncommon for me, but it tells the story I want it to tell, and that's the point.

So, with no further ado, here is the introduction to Goyathlay, in his home village of Short Cliff:

( The End of Bliss, Chapter 2 ) Special kudos to the person that gets the inside joke with Imsikwatash's name. (His first chapter ends in a fashion I am very happy with. :)